Laugh without fear of the future

Ah, the Proverbs 31 woman: a paragon of Biblical perfection, the unattainable goal of all good Christian women. It's an overwhelming passage of scripture, really. As a woman, I look at the passage as a whole and know there is no way that I can be that perfect woman. 

But if I were to choose one verse to pray for, one verse to ask God to make real in my life right now, it would be this one. 

I know that with His Spirit in me, I can become a godly--not perfect, but godly--woman who reflects His image. So I'm praying for a covering of strength and dignity, that I can laugh without fear of the future, resting in His promise. 

It's that fear thing that I'm struggling with again. But He is bigger than my fears. And I would rather laugh fearlessly than shrink back in cowardice. 

Also, can I just say that I love that the Bible points out that this perfect woman is full of laughter. Life doesn't have to be so serious all the time. <3

Get lost

Today I looked at the stars--really looked at them--for the first time in a while. It was so still and so vast and so lovely. You should try it sometime. :)

-Chelsea

(Image source)

The pursuit of happiness

We all pursue happiness, almost constantly.

Yes, I understand there is a difference between happiness and joy. Joy is far preferable to happiness, as it actually lasts, withstands the turmoil of life, and exists beyond our circumstances. I would rather have joy any day.

That doesn't mean I don't want happiness. We all do, I think.

But I agree with Apollinaire on this one. We seek so frantically for happiness that we don't take the time to actually enjoy it when we have it. I think this is particularly true for our Western/American culture: we focus intensely on work and achievement. Doing-doing-doing constantly, it is rare to slow down the hectic pace of life. 

I'm making an effort to really take time and enjoy the blessings I've been given... they are many! In this Christmas season especially, we can be so busy with present-buying, party-going, baking, decorating, planning, traveling, etc. that we are always thinking about the next thing, not taking time to focus on the present (no pun intended). 

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way... conflicted, over-committed, hectic. I can be lame like that. But for this next month especially, I am taking time out to pause, reflect, and thank God for each small happiness that He gives me by enjoying it as much as possible. Because He is good, and what He gives is worthy of my time.

(photo source)

Aaaand.... we're back! A beautiful mess...

So the blog has been getting lonely as of late! This happened because of...well, life. Real life gets messy, doesn't it?

But in the midst of all that chaos, it can be inspiring to pause and appreciate the beauty of it.

(image credit)

Sometimes a mess can be beautiful.

Take note. Breathe deeply. Open your eyes.

-Chelsea

Facing Fears: Moving Day

Yesterday my very best friend and blogging partner--yes, Brandie--realized a lifelong dream in moving to the beach!

I would like to take the time to say a few words on this momentous occasion:

First of all: YAY! I cannot explain how happy this makes me. Brandie and I are both beach girls at heart, and being close to the ocean is an absolute pleasure.

Also, I am trying hard not to be jealous. Something that helps with this is the thought of visiting her cute little ocean-side house ridiculously often. I get to sleep on her couch like a vagabond whenever I want!

And last but certainly not least, Brandie deserves to be commended for this move, as she is facing her fears in a big way. It takes a lot of bravery to relocate to a place where everything and everyone is new, leaving behind your comfort zone. I am proud of her for following God's lead in her life and taking a leap into the unknown.

Basically, to use the beloved old adage: you go, girl.

<3 Chelsea

P.S. --Brandie, I miss you already. It's just too weird for words that we aren't shouting out delirious conversations across our shared bathroom in the middle of the night or laughing about the nicknames we've given unsuspecting strangers over yogurt at Tango on a daily basis. But luckily when I visit you next week, we can wake up to the sound of waves, hike the bluffs and drink tea while the fog rolls back from the harbor. And I am totally into that.

Things I don't have to do

I don't know about the rest of you out there, but I find myself often weighted down with obligations. My life is full of great pursuits and great people, and I am so grateful for those many blessings I have. But I am also frequently beset by the impression that I "have to" do certain things in order to be a good person/daughter/friend/Christian/employee/sister/student. Like I have to work to earn the blessings that -hmmm- have already been given to me.

I guess I feel like I have to conform to what everyone expects of me. The expectations that because I went to a good school and got my degree that I should be working a high-paying corporate job. The oh-my-she's-26-and-not-married-yet-will-she-ever-be attitude that I know is out there. Even the assumption that I should be conservative, or liberal, to be on the "proper" side. Some of these impressions come from outside sources, from my culture, from family or friends. But the desire to meet those expectations comes from my own sinful self. I see those "norms" and want to live up to the standard out of my own pride, or out of the fear of disappointing people.

This struggle to appease others and soothe my own ego leaves me feeling pulled in so many directions that my mind, body and spirit are exhausted.

But I'm realizing more and more that these pressures are destructive. I am learning the difference between striving after holiness because of love (which really leaves me free and full of joy) and striving to be good for selfishness (which imprisons me with my own failures). I need to not only stifle but thoroughly extinguish this second mindset if I want to live a life that brings God the MOST glory.

And I do want that. I want to radiate joy, to do what fulfills my ultimate purpose--to worship the Creator and point others to Him. He has already redeemed me, and my gratitude overwhelms me, pushing me to act, to serve, to love. The other things--these "expected things"--don't matter.

So I decided to make a list of things that I don't need to do. I appear to be in a list-y kind of mood lately. ;)  This one was a valuable little exercise for me, to admit to myself that these things are not critical.

(Disclaimer: I may in fact want to do some of the things on this list. Perhaps I will do them. The thing is, I don't HAVE to do them. And putting them in that perspective helps.)

I don't have to:

*work 9 to 5
*make more money than I need
*look perfect
*own things
*use my degree
*get married
*have children
*be stylish
*care about celebrity news
*go to grad school
*stay home
*strive to please everyone
*diet
*be calculating and planned-out
*have a plethora of friends
*compete with coworkers
*be outgoing
*be afraid

Now, this isn't just a way to excuse lackadaisical behavior. If you know me, you know that I work hard and will strive for excellence in all my pursuits. It's about my motives and the source of my direction, which I hope will continue to be more and more pure as the days go by.

Oh how happy are we,

Chelsea

Map by Amy R

30 New Things

illustration via anachronism

Trying new things is the best way to learn and grow. We love learning, we love growing and we love newness, so we're making a list of 30 New Things we want to do before we turn 30. Inspired by the lovely Sarah Von of Yes and Yes, our list is collaborative. Some of these things are new for only one or the other of us, but most will be new for both of us, so we're going to try to do these things together. It's kind of like a 5 year plan, but much more.... scattered? Piecemeal? Whimsical. Yes.

Just to be clear, neither of us is 30 years old yet. We have several years to go before we cross that particular milestone. We're still young, dang it!

Some of these are silly little things. Others are giant adventures or permanent decisions, hence the niceness in giving ourselves more than just one year to accomplish it all. The list is still a work in progress. Take a look.

30 New Things Before 30

*see the tops of the redwood trees
*learn how to make cheese
*write a fan letter
*go snowshoeing
*participate in traditional Catholic confession
*go rappelling
*go camping (for real, as an adult, with no fire-making/tent-pitching assistance)
*submit a poem or short story for publication
*perform at an open mic night
*visit South America
*visit Africa
*visit Australia (this will attain the over-arching goal of seeing all continents)
*start an Etsy shop
*swim with sharks... but in a protective cage, please
*hike Half Dome
*eat a truffle (the mushroom, not the candy)
*skydive
*climb a glacier
*see the Grand Canyon
*visit NYC as adults, not just 8th-grade-field-trippers
*go to the toy tricycle race in San Francisco
*attend a music festival. How have we not done that yet??
*go to a comedy club
*karaoke, for real. Wait, what is real karaoke?
*ride a dogsled
*try public speaking
*carry out an epic New Year's Eve plan (we talk big about NYE but never follow through)
*get a tattoo
*learn to knit

Anything new you want to accomplish this year? Or over the next couple of years? Have any suggestions for us? We still need to add a few things to this list. Inspire us!

Enjoy this rainy weather while we have it. It'll be 120 degrees before you know it.

Love,

Chelsea and Brandie

P.S. -We will keep you updated on our progress through these activities. Posts are promised for each completed activity, including the ones we've already crossed off. Yes, we started early. The early bird catches the worm, you know.

Why Pessimists Make the Best Optimists

Maybe pessimism isn't such a curse if multiple pessimists join forces. Somehow we pessimists turn our natural negativity around for good when we're together.

Quick disclaimer: Be warned, this opinion comes from the perspective of a serious pessimist. Two of them, really (so take it with as many grains of salt as you see fit).

We are two pessimists who’ve lived under one roof for several years now.  And when we say pessimist, we mean all the lovely second-hand glasses at our house are almost always half empty. You might think that this would be a recipe for miserable disaster. Picture two girls at home alone wallowing in despair, egging each other on into deeper depression, uselessness, and weepy movie marathons... terrible! 

But it’s not like that.

Just because we’re pessimistic does not mean we can't see the bright side. We can see it, and we like to see it. And just because we’re pessimists doesn’t mean that we don’t have joy. We laugh every day, and we love it.

And the thing is--even though we naturally take a negative viewpoint--there is another instinct that takes over sometimes, particularly if one of us is feeling down. We want to help each other feel better, so we instinctively take turns at holding a positive view.

Love is stronger than pessimism.

As fellow pessimists, we understand what it’s like to feel negative and why we react to situations the way we do. We also understand each other pretty well after 14 years of friendship.

For instance, when Brandie is giving a depressed Chelsea very reasonable advice and Chelsea glares at Brandie, Brandie understands that that glare means that she is listening, and she knows that her friend is right. If Chelsea lived with an optimist, that optimist friend might interpret that glare differently and have her feelings hurt, deciding to stop giving Chelsea advice (and thereby leaving Chelsea to wallow in her negativity). Brandie is neither offended nor deterred. She simply smiles back at her. And vice versa. 

We are so thankful that when one of us is down, the other is almost always ready to pick her up and shine some perspective on the situation.

In our experience, optimists always looks at the bright side, often making nice but largely-unhelpful statements like “this is happening for a reason,” or “it’s always darkest before the dawn,” or “this is a season,” or “I’m sure it’s not all bad,” or “don’t worry, be happy." This is sweet and well-intentioned, but pessimists like us don’t respond very well to nice generalizations like these.  Instead, we respond to reasonable arguments exposing the flaws in our own outlooks. Because we’re not just spouting off happy sayings at each other, we can logically determine what might be effective and helpful advice.

We love optimists. In fact, we depend on a few key optimists in our lives that bring us joy. We couldn't manage without them. But don’t count the pessimists out when you’re looking for the bright side. We can see what's in that glass just as well as you. :) 

--Brandie and Chelsea

Facing Fears: Being Spontaneous

Is it silly to be afraid of spontaneity? Perhaps it is. And perhaps we would't admit it or care to bring it up. But when it comes down to it, both of us are chronic planners and ponderers, carefully considering all possibilities before acting. 

We plan because jumping into things scares us. I guess we are either control freaks or very, very timid about the unknown. It seems like a silly thing to be afraid of, but hey, don't judge! Is it really any sillier than being afraid of, say, spiders? Well... yes, it is. Anyway. Reasonable or not, it's a fear. So we must conquer it.

Our Easter weekend road trip was the first truly spontaneous thing we've done together. We had kicked around the idea of visiting the Grand Canyon... "someday"... but when Brandie found that the previously-sold-out tickets to the Railroad Revival Tour had become available because of a venue change, Arizona beckoned. Brandie bravely answered the call and snapped up two tickets before I could even look at my calendar. What?

--

Brandie was determined, but a little concerned. "What if this doesn't work out?" was a question that ran repeatedly though her mind. We were committed to be in Tempe, Arizona on April 23rd with no plans how to get there or where to stay. *deep breath, deep breath, deep breath*

As scary as this leap of faith was for us chronic-planners, it ended up a wonderful success! Things fell into place that we could not have possibly orchestrated through the most careful planning.

Sure, we drove an obscene number of hours in a ridiculously short amount of time, and we didn't have a clear plan. But you know what? Nothing bad happened for our lack of planning. In fact, we were rewarded with one of the most unique concert experiences of our generation, a day at the marvelous Grand Canyon, a visit with a friend in Mesa, a stop at Joshua Tree, and plenty of road trip singalongs and bonding time.

So...as we've consistently discovered about the things that freak us out (big or small), stepping out of your comfort zone can be rewarding and memorable. Opportunities tend to present themselves to those who take risks (again, big or small), so giving up some control can be a beautiful thing.

We enjoyed this so much and can't help but think about what we would have missed if we hadn't just gone for it. We're planning to be more spontaneous in the future... ;)

How are you embracing spontaneity?

I don’t know about you, but I like to be certain.  Certainty is comfortable. I search for it and cling to it when I think I find it.

And yet I find myself in a perpetual state of upheaval and lack of knowledge, particularly as it pertains to my future, my purpose, my life. I often feel like I’m descending into a maze I have to navigate without a map. How little in this world I actually know!

So when I came across this little devotional by Oswald Chambers, it floored me. I have now determined to pray for an attitude of “breathless expectancy” instead of the sighs that usually accompany my uncertain state. Because I know that my Father is certainly good.

Peace,

Chelsea

It doth not yet appear what we shall be. - 1 John 3:2 

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says - “Well, supposing I were in that condition …” We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in. Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, “Except ye become as little children.” Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. “Believe also in Me,” said Jesus, not - “Believe certain things about Me.” Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him. -Oswald Chambers

photo by Andre Arment